Originally posted on 6.07.11
This one is first and foremost a comedy.
“No!” Leroy replied for the fifth time.
“But we’re 18 years old and it’s a Friday night! We should be out getting drunk.” Jack protested.
“We’re at college. We should be revising for the exams we have in three weeks, but since I haven’t the perseverance to do that I’d rather rescue the people in Auschwitz.” Leroy said as he clicked on one man then right-clicked on another.
“It’s like bleedin’ Auschwitz in here!” Jack laughed.
Leroy paused the game and turned to face Jack for the first time since the debate began and lowered his brow. “You do realise Auschwitz was a concentration camp in World War Two and not a German teen drama?
“Then what comparison could you possibly make between their struggle and this evening?” Leroy retorted.
“Well they weren’t allowed to drink either!”
“Or live.” A silence fell upon the room. Jack looked at his hands. Jack’s mind was drawn to thoughts of the attractive girl in his Human Biology class naked. Leroy’s mind was drawn to the Holocaust. He had to break the silence so he could think of something nicer than genocide.
“Why are we friends, Jack?” Leroy said slowly.
Jack had also thought about this before, they called each other best friends and they probably were, although they were so very different.
“Well.”He replied. “Because in primary school we were both goody-goodies, at the start of secondary school I protected you from bullies and near the end of secondary school you protected bullies from me.”
Jack’s moral compass was strangely aligned. He was a bit of a womaniser, and he talked back a lot to his teachers and yet in secondary school he had tried to end every instance of bullying he saw, violently. He took being a prefect seriously. Leroy would often have to stop him before he beat anyone up. Leroy could not understand Jack’s resentment for bullies, to his knowledge Jack had never been bullied himself. Leroy had come to the conclusion that Jack did it to impress girls, this was the reason he did a lot of things.
“Yes. I suppose you’re right.” Said Leroy, pondering their exploits.
Leroy was still well behaved, he had always handed all his homework in on time and he had never had a detention. He was also rather intelligent, having gotten all As in his GCSEs except in, of course, Graphics. Jack was not still well-behaved, but he was nearly as intelligent as his friend. Jack was one of those teenagers who was able to argue with teachers, get drunk at 13, have sex at 15, hand all his coursework in late, do little revision and then still do well in his exams.
The power went out in Leroy’s house.
“There. Even your house wants you to come with me.” Said Jack.
“Fine!” Sighed Leroy, defeated.
“There there. Come on now.” Said Jack with the air relief worker guiding a victim to the first aid tents. “Let the Jews save themselves.”
Leroy scowled at this. He had never approved of Jack’s approach to dark humour.
They arrived at the local night club ‘J’adore’. Understandably Leroy did not approve of the name. He was dreading entering it. Fortunately for Leroy at this nightclub the bar and the dance-floor were in separate rooms rather than being right next to each other. This pleased him. He could hear the unoriginal pounding of the music from his barstool. He didn’t like it. He thought of all the fools crammed close together in that room, jumping up and down sweating like pigs.(An expression he’d never understood) There were a few things ‘young people’ did that Leroy wouldn’t admit he would also like to do. Getting a girlfriend, getting drunk (but probably only once) and having sex were the only three that he could think of. It occurred to him that all three of these might happen to him that night, though this idea didn’t appeal to him because he didn’t think he would ever be one for hooking up with a girl in a bar or for having a one-night stand.
They ordered their drinks. Jack ordered a shot of vodka, Leroy ordered a piña colada.
“Why are you ordering that?! Exclaimed Jack, aghast.
“If I’m going to drink alcohol it may as well be something that tastes nice.” Replied Leroy, annoyed.
The two sat for half an hour doing little. Jack had drank three vodkas and wasn’t feeling tipsy yet. He could handle his drink. Leroy was drinking very slowly, he was only half way through his first drink.
“Well this is shit.” Jack interrupted suddenly. “Come with me.” Leroy followed him begrudgingly. For the last twenty five minutes Jack had been watching a woman across the bar while pretending to listen to Leroy talk about the global economic crisis or some shit like that. She was rather plain but she was with a friend who was clearly dressed for the occasion. Her friend’s vibrant tank top contrasted to her green cardigan. Like Leroy she had done little with her drink, a screaming orgasm. When Leroy realised Jack’s intention was to chat people up he tried to walk away. Jack grabbed his arm and took him to the girls.
“Well hello there.” Said Jack in a manner that could make even death threats sound charming. “I’m Jack, this is Leroy.”
Leroy waved timidly from behind Jack. “Hello.” He said as his voice cracked.
The girl with the tank top was loud and excitable. “I’m Rachel and this is Susan!” Susan waved and smiled, embarrassed. Leroy smiled back coyly then tried to cover it up by putting his hand to mouth.
“This club sucks. Don’t you think?” Rachel asked Jack. She already fancied him, he was not unattractive and he really was quite charming.
“I agree. Perhaps we should reconvene?” Jack propositioned.
“Can’t I’m afraid. I have to stay with Susan. I begged her to come out tonight, she only came because a power cut stopped her revising. She’s such a stick in the mud, you’d think she’d be desperate to do something like this.” Rachel then whispered, though not very discreetly into Jack’s ear and pointed at Susan. “Virgin.” Then she laughed. Leroy’s face lit up, Susan seemed to be just like him, she even had a promiscuous best friend.
“Not going to finish your drink, Sue?” Jack said. She recoiled at being talked to. Also she didn’t like being called Sue, Susan made her sound more mature.
“Er, no. Rachel bought it for me, I don’t really drink.”
“So you don’t really want a screaming orgasm then? Oh well, there’s always next time, Leroy.” Jack said cruelly, he could never resist an opportunity to make a joke about that drink, particularly at someone’s expense.
“Shut up, Jack!” Leroy said defensively, as he laughed weakly. Leroy rarely swore, he thought it would have much more of an effect if he rarely did it, meaning he could end an entire conversation with an F-bomb. If people swear in every sentence the point of the words being tabooed is completely removed.
Jack laughed. “It’s a shame really. You too seem like you’d really get along. You could talk about Philosophy and English and stuff.” Susan became interested in Leroy. She did like Philosophy and English, and, at times, she also liked stuff.
“Let’s have a toast! That’s sophisticated enough for you two.” Jack proposed as he lifted his glass. Rachel did the same. Leroy and Susan reluctantly followed.
“To love at first sight!” They all took a swig from their drinks, some more willingly than others. Leroy spluttered as he realised what Jack had said.
Leroy awoke to find himself in a bed he had never seen before. “Oh dear.” He thought to himself. He looked at the floor, his trousers were lying in a bundle next to a used condom. His worries were confirmed. He’d got drunk and then gone to bed with someone. He didn’t even know where he got the condom from, he certainly didn’t carry them around with him. Of course! Jack must have given it to him. “The bastard!” He thought to himself. “Why didn’t he try to stop me?” Leroy already knew the answer. Fearing the worst Leroy turned his head to see who he was lying next to. It was Susan. Well, that was some consolation. Maybe they’d get together again sometime. He noticed that she looked very pretty when asleep. His heart stopped as he realised there was someone else in the bed. It was Rachel. Now Leroy wasn’t sure what to think, on one hand he’d possibly contracted an STD(s) and/or made two young women pregnant, on the other he’d been a threesome, which meant he must be rather sexy or at least very, very charming. Before he could decide whether to bury his head in his hands in grief or put his arms behind his head in victory he noticed a fourth person in the bed. At the end of the bed, with a cruel smile on his sleeping face and a lump sticking up in his duvet was Jack.
“Fuck.” Said Leroy.
Now play this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tN_HVup9oOg
There we have a nice story about promiscuity. Be warned.